Not So Special

7 Nov

There is a student I find particularly annoying, because he constantly informs me that the library collection is lacking…and that it’s my fault.  Today he comes in and starts telling me what else I’m missing, so I cut him off.

Me:  Okay, [Student’s Name]…save it!  My last day is in a couple of weeks, so you can complain to the new librarian.

Student:  You’re leaving?!

Me:  Yep!

Student:  But I thought we had something special…



6 Nov

Hey Miss, so I have this bug bite on my leg and it really itches but it’s close to my butt so when I scratch it it looks like I’m scratching my butt.


5 Nov

The library is busiest from 7:45-8:35.  All forty computers are occupied, all tables are full, and other students are milling around the shelves and/or reading on bean bags chairs.  There are usually at least 100 students in here each morning.  This morning was no different, as a student walked through the mass of students up to the circulation desk.

Student:  Hi, are you open?

Me:  Right now?

Student:  Yes.  Are you open?

Me: [Looks around at the vast number of students milling about]  Seriously?

Student:  Yeah.

Me:  Um, yes…

Student:  Awesome, thanks! I need to check out a book.


4 Nov

Student:  I’d like to check these two books out to prevent another person from getting them.

Me:  [Laughs]

Student:  I’m a really nice person.  No, I’m kidding.  I’m really not.


1 Nov

Student: Hey, Miss! Check out my Kenny Rogers belt buckle!


31 Oct

There is a corner of the library that is difficult to see from the circulation desk. The other day, I happened to wander over there to shelve a book, and I saw a girl sitting on a guy’s lap…and they were full on making out. Furious, I ordered them to leave the library. They took their time getting up and didn’t act embarrassed at all that I had caught them.

Later than morning, the guy comes in to talk to me:

Student: Miss, can I talk to you?

Me: Yes…

Student: About this morning?

Me: Yes…

Student: What was it that you think you saw?

Me: What was it that I think I saw? I don’t think I saw anything. I know I saw your girlfriend sitting on your lap, and the two of you were making out.

Student: Miss, that wasn’t making out! We were just cuddling.

Me: Oh, that’s what that’s called nowadays? Cuddling?

Student: Yes, miss. Cuddling.

Me: Well, I don’t want the two of you in here cuddling ever again. You hear me?

Student: So, if we can’t cuddle, can we make out?

Backhanded Compliment?

30 Oct


“She looks like a muppet…That’s not a total diss–I like muppets.”