Student #1: Miss! Today is your last day. Boo…
Me: Yes, it is. I’m sad, too!
Student #1: I’m going to tie you up in a closet.
Me: Well, that’s creepy, but sweet.
Student #2: On special occasions, we’ll feed you cake! And on special special occasions, like your birthday, we’ll make you tacos.
Student: Is that popcorn?
Me: No, it’s pasta.
Student: Are those cherries?
Me: No, those are tomatoes.
Student: Huh.
Me: Do you need glasses?
Student: Seeing is overrated.
Student: Hey, Miss! My brother works at Bill Miller’s. I can hook you up. But did you know they charge fifty cents for ranch there? That’s how they make their money! Damn!
Upon witnessing me deal with an unruly bunch of students…
Student: Man, kids are bad! They should let librarians carry firearms.
Male student: Hey, Miss? You know that girl, [Student’s Name]?
Me: Yes, I do.
Male student: Well, I’ve been talking to her…
Me: Oh, yeah? Well, she’s very sweet and pretty.
Male student: Yes, she is very pretty, and I wanted to have a crush on her. But, Miss! She’s not all there!
Me: Really? What do you mean?
Male student: She won’t go out with me because I love to read!
Me: Well, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!
Male student: Right? Well, that was the end of that. I’ll always pick books over a girl!
Student: I need a new ID.
Me: Do you have $5?
Student: No…can I put it on layaway?
There is a student I find particularly annoying, because he constantly informs me that the library collection is lacking…and that it’s my fault. Today he comes in and starts telling me what else I’m missing, so I cut him off.
Me: Okay, [Student’s Name]…save it! My last day is in a couple of weeks, so you can complain to the new librarian.
Student: You’re leaving?!
Me: Yep!
Student: But I thought we had something special…
Hey Miss, so I have this bug bite on my leg and it really itches but it’s close to my butt so when I scratch it it looks like I’m scratching my butt.
The library is busiest from 7:45-8:35. All forty computers are occupied, all tables are full, and other students are milling around the shelves and/or reading on bean bags chairs. There are usually at least 100 students in here each morning. This morning was no different, as a student walked through the mass of students up to the circulation desk.
Student: Hi, are you open?
Me: Right now?
Student: Yes. Are you open?
Me: [Looks around at the vast number of students milling about] Seriously?
Student: Yeah.
Me: Um, yes…
Student: Awesome, thanks! I need to check out a book.
Stacks of Wisdom 
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